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Hyper-realistic cinematic footage. Beautiful golden sunset over ancient Rome. Epic Hans Zimmer–style music. A powerful Roman emperor stands on a balcony addressing thousands of soldiers. He raises his hand dramatically and shouts: “MEN… TODAY WE FIGHT FOR HONOR… FOR GLORY… FOR—” Record scratch. Hard cut to a close-up of a modern iPhone in his hand. He whispers: “…for 3 bars of WiFi.” Cut wide. The entire Roman army is standing perfectly still, all holding smartphones up toward the sky trying to get signal. One soldier yells: “MOVE THE CHARIOT, IT BLOCKS THE ROUTER.” Cut to gladiators in the Colosseum mid-battle. They stop fighting. One says: “Bro lagging.” Cut to a giant wooden Trojan Horse. Zoom in. Inside it’s just a glowing WiFi router labeled: “Free Public Network.” Epic choir chanting: “Rooouuuterrrr.” Emperor screams: “WHO CHANGED THE PASSWORD?” Text on screen: “Ancient problems require modern solutions.” Freeze frame 3 seconds for looping. Bass-boosted Roman horn sound.